With a couple who has been together 73 years, it is only natural this episode focuses on longevity.
|Directed By||Codie Elaine Oliver|
|Air Date (OWN)||11/29/2019|
|Introduced This Episode|
Learn How To Communicate: Salli, Dondre, William, Katherine, Kevin, Melissa, Chris, Mattie
Communication this episode is mostly based on the concept of, if you are unhappy, say something. As noted by Melissa, when it comes to her parents, her mom just held steady until things got too miserable to continue and perhaps fix. But, on the flip side, you have to be mindful how you communicate in the beginning as well, for that can cause issues down the road.
For example, Salli was much more malleable when she first met Dondre so she could secure the relationship. However, after growing as a person and feeling more comfortable, now she says no to things Dondre would like her to do and there is an adjustment. The kind which messes you up a bit since now you have to reprogram what is going on and the relationship dynamic.
Take Kevin and Melissa. For a long time, he thought he was the s*** since his wife didn’t complain. Yet, later on, as she started noting things, so came the idea that he has long been trash and she was just avoiding the smell.
But, on top of talking about what displeasures you, there is also the love languages, as brought up during Chris and Mattie’s segment. You need to know what makes a person feel loved and how to communicate that. Be it by touching, words of affirmation, service, gifts, or just spending quality time with them. Do that and, like William and Katherine, while you may argue sometimes, you’ll stay together.
Be Consistent While Giving Room For Each Other To Grow: Salli, Dondre, Kevin, Melissa, Kenny, Jessica, Chris, Mattie
Being consistent but leaving room for the other person to grow may sound like they conflict, and that is because they do. This is why Chris and Mattie bring up perhaps the best examples in, for example, Chris sending words of affirmation to Mattie even when they are mad with each other or him mad at her. Things like that show, despite whatever temporary or in progress shifts are going on, the foundation is safe and that is the heart of being consistent – maintaining the relationship.
For it is like Kenny says with Jessica, the person you met in your teens, twenties, or beyond, will not be the same person years later. If it isn’t them getting comfortable with you and speaking up, like Salli and Melissa, then it is just life. Be it shifts in career, having children, money issues, or more, there is so much that could change and revise the dynamics.
Yet, as long as you have some consistent things which show the love is still alive, rather than stifle your partner they can grow and thrive.
Remember It Takes More Effort To Stay Than To Leave: Tommi, LeToya, Elisha, Michael, David, Julie, Quincy, Deondray
The transition from being single and being able to do or leave when you want to now having this document saying you are committed to this person, can be difficult. Especially if you have a wedding, a public one at that, like Quincy and Deondray. For in doing so, you now have a community who were witnesses and hopefully supporters.
However, for some, like LeToya, who grew up being some form of independent, there may always be that itch. Heck, even when it comes to couples like David and Julie, you may joke about leaving or kicking out the other person, but they open up a good point – sometimes it isn’t so much the relationship as you needing your own space.
However, as Michael points out, with Elisha, we are the sum of our choices and choosing to be there sometimes may take some effort, but is the greatest thing you can do for the marriage. Especially when you follow that up with choosing things you may not want to do to keep the peace. Not just in terms of preventing a fight, but also things that could make the relationship grow which may mean more from you than you’d normally would give.
Collected Quote(s) & .Gifs
Commitment is so important in any type of relationship. You’re not always going to agree. You’re not always going to like each other, but when you’re committed to your relationship, I think that’s what has kept us together these number of years – because of our love for one another, which is the foundation and then being committed.
Never let your expectations exceed your effort.
“[…] at this point in my life, I’m at a point where I don’t want to come across as just angry. I want to be able to effectively articulate my feelings because that’s the pathway to a healthy, sustainable relationship.
It is really amazing to look at, from a year to 73, how many things are needed, in general, for couples, and yet there are specific things those two individuals require in order to share their life with someone. And whether they met when they were younger, older, are gay, straight, grew up with their parents or had a difficult relationship, it is lovely to see that things can work out as long as commitment and communication are part of the relationship.
Images and text in this post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase, we may earn a commission or products from the company.
[amazon bestseller=”Black Love” items=”3″]