The Unicorn (2019) - Colorful Title Card featuring a windmill.

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The Unicorn, in many ways, is like your first time. Awkward, slightly comical, but unlike many people’s first times, it lasts a bit too long.

Director(s) Robert Schwartzman
Written By Nick Rutherford, Will Elliott, Kick C. Johnson
Date Released 2/5/2019
Genre(s) Romance, Comedy
Good If You Like Normal People In Weird Situations
Isn’t For You If You Don’t Enjoy Run Of The Mill People As Leads, With The Supporting Characters Being The Ones With Personality
Noted Cast
Malory Lauren Lapkus
Caleb Nicholas Rutherford
Lou John Kapelos
Edie Beverly D’Angelo
Jesse Lucy Hale
Tyson Beck Bennett
April Dree Hemingway

The Unicorn Plot Summary (Ending Explained on 2nd Page)

After seven years together, engaged for four of the seven, everyone is wondering when Malory and Caleb are finally going to get married. Malory’s sister is married, her mom got remarried over 25 years ago and renews her vows yearly. Yet, Caleb and Malory can’t find the time to set a date, and it is starting to wear on their relationship. Especially with watching Malory’s parents, Lou and Edie, getting frisky and having the kind of passion they don’t.

So, after overhearing they have threesomes, Edie and Lou, and thinking that might help reignite the passion in their relationship, they look for that special unicorn who they both could enjoy.

Collected Quote(s) or .Gifs

All bodies are great. You just got to learn how to appreciate them.
— Tyson


It’s Awkwardly Funny

The Unicorn is a sex comedy, focused on the pursuit of getting a threesome, which finds its laughter in weird moments. Some of the weird moments lean more towards how awkward it for Cal and Mal, two square pegs, thinking about a threesome. This can be seen by the way Jesse is handled, and how the camera scopes out Lucy Hale’s body. However, for the funny stuff, that comes with the second person, of the three Mal and Cal encounter, Tyson.

Bennett, like Hale, pushes this couple out of their comfort zone but between the three people Cal and Mal try this threesome thing with, it is only Tyson who pushes Cal, and this leads to comical results. Especially once Tyson pushes Cal to dance, smacks him, and other things.

Jesse (Lucy Hale) looking over at Malory.
Jesse (Lucy Hale)

But, even with the little screen time she gets, honestly, D’Angelo shows that if she was given more screen time, she could have stolen the movie with Kapelos.

On The Fence

Mal and Cal May Get Boring To You After Awhile

An issue you may have with this movie is if you don’t find the situations Mal and Cal get themselves into funny, like really funny, you’ll sit there bored. That is, unless you find the scenes with Hale tantalizing, or think a self-identified straight man awkwardly being taught to be sensual by someone who doesn’t do labels is comical. Which, maybe it is for you. However, both of those characters aren’t steadily in the whole film. It’s just Mal and Cal.

Two people, I should note, are adorable but they are half hour sitcom adorable. The kind of people who, a little hijinks, but a loving relationship sees them through the self-caused drama, you can handle. However, watching them be the odd ones out because they aren’t married, look for threesomes, and barely work on their issues throughout that? Well, it makes you look at Lou and Edie, who inspire this threesome thing, and make you wish they were focused on.

For it really does stink that we are given this average couple, who don’t give us the complication of why they aren’t married, besides not being willing to modify their schedules. Meanwhile, we got this couple who have been together 25 years, raised kids together, and with Lou not being the father of Edie’s kids, there is that factor too. And I know the whole idea of a “review” is to talk about what is in the movie, but sometimes you are left thinking about what should have been in the movie since what was in it isn’t interesting enough to talk about.

Overall: Mixed (Divisive) | Purchase, Rent, Get Tickets, or Merchandise On (Fandango/ Amazonir?source=bk&t=amaall0c 20&bm id=default&l=ktl&linkId=a3cf3c5a54f4fb799dedf52776cfc5cd& cb=1549581117875)

Malory (Lauren Lupkus) and Caleb (Nicholas Rutherford) realizing they still are unable, if not unwilling, to set a date.
Malory (Lauren Lupkus) and Caleb (Nicholas Rutherford)

When it comes to The Unicorn, the main problem you may have is that it never really addresses the issue between Cal and Mal. Because of the threesomes, there are problems addressed but, outside of neither being willing to set aside time to get married, it isn’t evident what is happening here. Unless the whole point of the movie is they are together more so because it is convenient than anything else. If not, everyone loves each other differently, and even if you aren’t the cutest couple, most passionate, or sexual, that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with your relationship.

But, even with trying to justify how dull Mal and Cal can come off, I have to give this a mixed label. The Unicorn has two leads who you could watch for a half hour show, but spending 90 minutes with them feels a bit much at times. Thus explaining why they have Hale perform the character she does and make Bennett, as well as D’Angelo so outrageous. For this is the kind of film which has to rely on its supporting characters for the lead characters aren’t written to keep you engaged throughout.

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