Amy has a mid-life awakening, and it leads her to not only clear out some material things but what has taken up space in her heart and mind.
|Introduced This Episode|
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The Side Effects of Therapy: Jules, Leigh, Amy
Therapy is hard. Hearing how you make others feel, reflecting on how you think, and digging up long-buried memories, feelings, and skeletons is a lot of work. Which is why no one leaves the first family therapy session feeling better.
Amy is told she undermines her kids when she tries to quell their fights, and also gets called overprotective by them. Leigh is accused by Jules of feeling some form of blame of being with Matt the day before he died and taking that from Leigh. As for what Jules is hit with? The usual dealing with her drinking and stuff we’ve heard so many times, it does seem like she is the only one getting better, and Leigh is jealous of that.
When You Grow Up Without The Family You Wanted, You Create It: Leigh, Amy, Jules, Matt
Which might be why, as Amy tries to push them to work together, without her interference, they talk about Jules getting better and prepping to meet her birth family. Something she has been seriously thinking about but still struggles with the actual idea of coming face to face with her parents.
A feeling she isn’t alone in for with Christmas coming up, Leigh wonders why Amy’s family is never invited over, and this leads to her talking about Katherine, her mom. Someone who she paints as cruel and even tells a story dealing with Katherine being forced to take seven-year-old Amy to the roller rink. A memory that should be happy but is just a reminder to Amy about why she has worked so hard, overcompensated really, so her children would never feel as she did.
Leading to memories of Matt. While things have always been hard with Leigh and Jules, no matter how much she tried, with Matt things were easy. For, yeah, he was shy, a little timid, but she knew how to get him out of his shell without much force, and while doing so for another human being can be delicate, she didn’t have to walk on eggshells.
A Mid-Life Awakening: Amy, Sabrina, Jules, Leigh, Richard
But what probably makes Matt’s absence hit so hard is that he made her feel useful. With Leigh and Jules, after raising them, giving them pieces of this dream she had for a happy family, they left and only came back when their worst nightmares happened. And now, with Jules being sober for a while, and moving out, Leigh getting better day by day, it hits Amy they are going to leave again.
Which causes a bit of a manic episode, and it happens at Christmas dinner in front of Richard, Sabrina, and their daughter Evie. Leading to Amy calling herself the whore of a coward, meaning Richard and just airing out all her feelings.
However, it should be noted, it wasn’t due to Matt she let this all out. It was Richard having a different take of their shared trip to Morocco. What she presents as a spontaneous and fun adventure, he makes out to be a living hell. And there is something about sharing a moment or time period with someone who has a different take that messes you up a bit.
So, to re-find herself, who she is outside of a mother, a person without friends, or an ex-wife, she decides to head to Alaska.
Question(s) Left Unanswered
- While it is established Amy has a mother and grandmother, does she have siblings, aunts, uncles, or cousins? Where is her dad in all of this?
Collected Quote(s) & .Gifs
I can’t tell you how to feel, but that’s not how I feel.
She doesn’t soften. She calcifies.
I don’t wanna run away from Leigh. Actually, I’m afraid I’m gonna run at her so hard that I’m gonna totally destroy her.
You spend so much time running away from people that the first time you run towards somebody, well it’s a lot.
Listen, even if you mess up every single last step, it doesn’t matter. You know why? Because you’ll still be holding the person that you’re running towards.
Is that what it takes? I’ve gotta behave like a raving lunatic just to be heard? When did I stop being a person? You know, you spend so much time trying to figure out the kind of parent that you wanna be, but the amount of time that you were actually essential to your kids, it’s, like, it’s just a fraction of that. And the rest of the time, you’re just wallpaper.
It’s easy to, in shows like this, forget about the mother unless they assert themselves. However, usually, the way they do so is by being over the top or having a strong personality. The kind which is usually treated as a problem for it makes the lead look or feel small.
Amy isn’t like that. She is demure, in her own way. Someone who may look like an amazon next to her daughters but her strength, her abilities, are understated. Making her exposing of herself, and her feelings towards the past and present, like being shook. For as much as she was talking about how invisible she felt in the world, you get the sense she was talking to viewers as well.
That we don’t fully recognize her beyond Leigh’s mom and employer. Perhaps see her as the one who tries to break up or douse fights in water, and is usually the first person to leave a room or scene. Yet, she exists, she is human. She is someone with memories, feelings, and has things to contribute. The only issue is, she doesn’t feel needed and when it comes to wanted? It isn’t necessarily on her terms.
At least, when it comes to Leigh and Jules? Her being wanted isn’t in the fashion of her being the mother Amy has tried to be to compensate for the motherhood that is foreign to her. Instead, she is wanted for the girls wouldn’t have jobs otherwise. Wanted in the form of Richard having an option since something with Sabrina isn’t going right.
But notice, her being wanted isn’t in the form of her being first choice but what is convenient. This is an insult frankly so this leaving everyone behind for a trip thing, it isn’t a punishment, or because she embarrassed herself. It is because she has rooted herself so much in what others could take that it seems she never recovered from that fact they didn’t give much back to her. So it seems to be the right time to focus on that.