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Episode 8: Side Effects of Being a Realist
Being objective is the cornerstone to being a realist because it is really about identifying things without emotion and, when you’re a realist, that’s what you do. […] A pessimist, a lot of the times does have emotion attached to it. They do have this fear. Pessimism and negativity is often times rooted in fear. A fear of something moving forward, a fear of having to deal with something, a fear of not knowing the outcome. So you just say, “You know what? It’s gonna be whack” so no matter what happens, you’ve already prepared yourself to deal with it.
— Side Effects of Being a Realist
The thing about being objective, it doesn’t stand in the way of being hopeful.
— Side Effects of Being a Realist
I think what we have to clarify is that being real is you living in your truth and your truth maybe that you are a pessimist or that you are an optimist. That doesn’t make you not real. Being a realist means that you are somebody that looks at the world through a certain lens and the lens that you look through the world is that sometimes things can be negative and sometimes things can be positive but the reality is that you are always, more so, at the facts in front of you vs. looking at them through an emotional lens.
— Side Effects of Being a Realist
Episode 7: Side Effects of a Black Woman in Hollywood (Cree Summer)
Some people say to me, ‘Is it all true’ and ‘Why are they all yelling?’ and this and that, and it is just like, what people don’t understand is that as a woman, you spend the majority of your life not being believed. Imagine that handicap.
— Side Effects of a Black Woman in Hollywood (Cree Summer)
Episode 6: Side Effects of the Ho Phase (DeWanda Wise)
I don’t argue. Are trophies being won? […] Are there medals? Is there a placement? Is this televised? I’ll argue for that.
— Side Effects of the Ho Phase (DeWanda Wise).
You have different phases of when you’re for different people.
— Side Effects of the Ho Phase (DeWanda Wise).
At the end of the day, we are all evolving individuals in the best case scenario and you reach certain points in your life where, it’s not even that you don’t necessarily wanna be in the ho phase anymore, it’s just that it doesn’t serve you in the same way anymore.
— Side Effects of the Ho Phase (DeWanda Wise)
“Why,” that’s the key, why. Why do they want to know everything? Is it because you guys are having an emotional, intimate, exchange and you’re just learning about each other? Is it because they wanna judge you and determine whether or not you’re vagina is preserved enough for them?
— Side Effects of the Ho Phase (DeWanda Wise)
When I say wash up, I’m not saying use soap. You do not need to use soap on your vagina. That is how you get yeast infections, that is how you get all types of other stuff. You literally can just take some water and wash it out, and you’re good. Also, always make sure to find out if you are allergic to spermicide.
— Side Effects of the Ho Phase (DeWanda Wise)
Here are some tips:
- Always pee, right after sex – You do not want to get a UTI.
- Always slap some water on that thang after sex, because you do not want to get a yeast infection.
- […] Condoms can rattle up the cage and also, penises, have a different PH balance than your vessel. Okay? So it can go up in there and just discombobulate things.
I always say this: Men have the Tonka Truck of reproductive organs. It goes up, it goes down, voila. Women? Ours is like an erector set. You put a screw in the wrong place and you get screwed.
— Side Effects of the Ho Phase (DeWanda Wise)
There really is a reality to the whole “Getting to know yourself” thing and it’s not just about […] going to yoga, and meditating, it’s really about being real with yourself about your flaws, what you bring to the table, and a lot of us, especially, I feel, women, we think we are bringing a whole lot to the table because we are basing what we are bringing to the table based on the limitations that have been placed on us in the past.
— Side Effects of the Ho Phase (DeWanda Wise)
Sex is a physical exchange. Intimacy is an emotional exchange via a physical connection.
— Side Effects of the Ho Phase (DeWanda Wise)
When you learn the difference between sex and intimacy you’re able to make better decisions about who you’re engaging with and why. And when you are in a state of confusion about those two things, you prevent yourself from the power of educated choice.
— Side Effects of the Ho Phase (DeWanda Wise)
Intimacy is the emotional exchange that happens when sex is not just physical but when there is actually something greater behind it.
— Side Effects of the Ho Phase (DeWanda Wise)
Episode 5: Side Effects of Being Type A (with John Early)
I’m not mean, I’m just a comic.
— Side Effects of Being Type A (with John Early)
Humor is purely protective. It isn’t like an actual gift to the world [and] even if it is silly, it doesn’t mean it’s not personal. It doesn’t mean it’s not vulnerable.
— Side Effects of Being Type A (with John Early)
Sleep is the sister to sanity.
— Side Effects of Being Type A (with John Early)
Because of the fear of failure, I feel like a lot of people, who are perfectionist, end up just trying to not put themselves in the situation where they’ll be disappointed and so they’ll sometimes put themselves in a point of stasis.
— Side Effects of Being Type A (with John Early)
Episode 4: Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
The key to being an innovator is not just coming up with a good idea, it is sticking with your good idea.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
You need fuck ups. […] They’re like hills, once you get over them you get more momentum.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
People always think genius is crazy first.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
Somebody saying “Fuck It.” […] The world evolves, and keeps evolving, because of that phrase – Fuck it because somebody has to say it. […] There were rules and then someone said fuck it, and then there were rules, and someone said fuck it, and then they got mad, and someone said fuck it, […] that’s how the shit evolves with everything.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
Black music is a big ass house and I’m just going room to room.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
Everyone is a creative. Because even if you are not an artist, it is an art to living. It takes being creative just to figure out how to make your living, how to survive in this world and so everybody is a creative in their own right.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper) | Herbie Hancock
I am a person first, what I do is second. I’m not what I do.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
Money is not the bottom line to success. I understand, of course, it is a great enabler and it is an incredible benchmark to advancing, even further, your ideas. But on the way to money, you absolutely do need to have signpost that let you know ‘Keep going.’ One of those signposts is within you. When you wake up, do you think about your idea first? When you go to sleep, do you think about your idea first? When you have those times during the day where you’re not engaged in some kind of conversation with somebody or you’re not engaged in figuring out a problem, where does your brain go to? Does it go to your idea? That’s a signpost that you are doing what you should be doing. Because that means you are genuinely, authentically connected to something.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
You gotta have you.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
You have to make people feel like your dream is an advancement of their dream. Everybody has their own goals, and your goal is sometimes not completely 100% their exact goal. But maybe a part of what you’re doing can advance what they wanna do, and that’s the nuance you got to figure out. You can’t expect everybody to buy into your shit because it is not their dream. But you gotta figure out a way to make your dream an access point for them getting to their dream.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
The uniqueness which comes from “Borrowing” is lost in “Biting” and that is where innovation does not live.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
When you’re out here, and you’re innovating, I think that it is key for you to also stand on your own two and be brave in that. You got to be willing to know that not every idea you come up with is going to be a good idea. But, if it is unique to you, and it is something you made from your soul and your spirit, then that’s what really matters and you got to get to the core of what really lives in you in order to do that. Not what lives in somebody else.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
A lot of being an innovator is not just about having ideas but it’s about having stamina. Because you are going to be on this path by yourself, for some of the time, and without necessarily a blueprint and without guidance, and you’re going to have to figure out ways to keep yourself going, that are not necessarily based on other people. […] One of the main ways of doing that is always having a thesis statement to come back to that is why you are doing what you’re doing.
— Side Effects of Being an Innovator (with Robert Glasper)
Episode 3: Side Effects of Sexual Harassment (with Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson)
A “yes” should be an emphatic “yes.” […] It should not have to be begrudgingly said or pulled from somebody or cajoled. It should just be very distinct and forceful. A yes should be like when you join the electric slide. No one timidly joins the electric slide.
— Side Effects of Sexual Harassment (with Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson)
A lot of times, guys are so focused on the goal, and that’s where that whole, thinking with your dick, not your brain, comes in, because it is like you’re so focused on just this goal of getting sexual pleasure that you disconnected from the ability to relate to someone on a human level and tell that they are fearful or tell that they are timid or tell that they feel coerced. And typically, when you are not thinking with your dick, you would be able to feel that.
— Side Effects of Sexual Harassment (with Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson)
You know what? Yes, you are difficult. You’re difficult to fuck over.
— Side Effects of Sexual Harassment (with Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson)
My purpose is to disrupt politeness that is the way of being purposeful.
— Side Effects of Sexual Harassment (with Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson)
Episode 2: Side Effects of The Curve (with Bresha Webb)
Good people don’t necessarily make a good couple.
— Side Effects of The Curve (with Bresha Webb)
Every no is going to move me to another yes.
— Side Effects of The Curve (with Bresha Webb)
A man’s rejection is God’s protection.
— Side Effects of The Curve (with Bresha Webb)
When someone pushes you away, they’re often pushing you into a better direction.
— Side Effects of The Curve (with Bresha Webb)
Episode 1: Side Effects of Insecurity
Arrogance is an overexpression of false confidence in order to mask an actual, very loud, insecurity.
— “Side Effects of Insecurity.” – Small Doses (with Amanda Seales)
Love didn’t fail you, someone who didn’t know how to love failed you.
— “Side Effects of Insecurity.” – Small Doses (with Amanda Seales)
Confidence is about having a solid, quiet, peaceful understanding about something that has to deal either with you, about you, or around you.
— “Side Effects of Insecurity.” – Small Doses (with Amanda Seales)
When we have insecurity, we let it take over in spaces that it has no space.
— “Side Effects of Insecurity.” – Small Doses (with Amanda Seales)
When you are confident, you have the ability to take things in and let things out but you know the solidity of your framework and so those things don’t affect you unless you let them. When you’re arrogant, you don’t let anything in. Because you don’t like feel you need anything to get in because, if it does, it’ll probably burst that bubble that you have made up around you to pretend what you really aren’t.
— “Side Effects of Insecurity.” – Small Doses (with Amanda Seales)
From now on, you cannot let yourself love somebody unless they have a plan. Unless they have a clear cut, rendering of where they see themselves, where they see you, where they see ya’ll together, and unless you agree with that rhetoric.
— “Side Effects of Insecurity.” – Small Doses (with Amanda Seales)
Don’t let yourself get secure in some wobbly shit. Wait for something to get solid on a foundation before you secure yourself to it.
— “Side Effects of Insecurity.” – Small Doses (with Amanda Seales)
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